09
Nov

Have you ever been watching some random person at some random place and asked yourself, “I wonder what they’re all about?” LA is a town full of individuals who don’t have your typical nine-to-five jobs. Yet sometimes you cross paths with those peeps where you can’t help but wonder what the hell they must do day in and day out. Such was the case the other afternoon when I used my lunch break to go get a car wash.

SIDENOTE: For those of you who might be considering a move to Los Angeles, here’s a tip – budget for car washes. At first, I thought it was completely self-indulgent and unnecessary that the people in this town washed their BMWs and/or Escalades and/or Priuses so frequently, but then I realized… LA is a disgustingly dirty town (read into that what you will). Within mere days, your squeaky clean ride is once again covered in a layer of dirt, or if it’s fire season – ash. Hence, the mandatory car wash becomes the price paid for living here.

So we’re back at the car wash. I left my ride with the attendant and walked inside to the waiting area. I ain’t gonna lie, it’s a strange place. There’s a shoeshine guy who always asks if I need his services, and every time I have to point out that my flip-flops are pretty low maintenance. If you keep going down the hallway, you’ll then come across a few arcade games circa 1985 that haven’t been wiped down since Reagan. And then the piece de resistance: a broken down massage chair – ripped up leather and everything – that gives me the heebie-jeebies just lookin’ at it. I feel like I’m going through a bad “house of horrors” amusement park attraction every time I come here. Why then do I keep coming back? The attendant who takes my car always tells me I have pretty eyes. It’s sad, I know. He’s just saying it so I’ll agree to the $40 wash and wax instead of my $10.99 usual. I don’t care. It makes me happy.

Yet as I passed the shoeshine guy that afternoon, I noticed these two dudes getting their kicks cleaned. One of them looked like Boner from Growing Pains and the other, Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. He had the loafers, hockey jersey (Penguins, not Red Wings), everything. I suppose I noticed them firstly because they were such an odd pairing, and secondly, they seemed to think their shoeshine was the funniest thing ever.

I continued along, killing time by checking out the three-dozen or so air fresheners they had on sale. Did you know they make Ed Hardy air fresheners? Aren’t you so relieved they do? After a few minutes, Boner and Cameron were in the shop area with me. Cameron was on the phone: “Check the kitchen. I’m pretty sure I left it there… You found it? Can you bring it to me? Dude, I’m like five minutes away.” I had no clue what he was talking about until Boner grabbed some Cokes and a few bags of Doritos while announcing to the cashier lady that they didn’t have the money to pay for said Cokes and Doritos. As he opened his bag of chips and started munching, he explained that Cameron had left his wallet at a friend’s house, but it was being delivered any minute now.

The poor lady looked so confused that she just nodded, her eyes darting between the two of them, silently wondering what if anything she could do to stop them. For their part, Cameron and Boner just continued to roam the gift shop, examining the various seat covers for sale, looking at the birthday cards, chuckling to themselves for no apparent reason. When Boner then asked Cameron if he wanted an ice cream sandwich, that’s when I realized… These two dudes were stoned.

Duh. Two o’clock on a Wednesday afternoon. Hanging out at a car wash. Forgetting their wallet at a friend’s house. But it was the downing of the Coke, bag of Doritos and ice cream sandwich within mere minutes that finally convinced me.

So the attendants at last signaled that my car was ready. I got in to drive away, when all of a sudden Cameron and Boner were blocking me. They were just standing there in front of my car, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I was about to run them over. I helplessly looked at the attendant; he just shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to do. Apparently no one knew what to do with these guys. They then made eye contact with me, a childish smile on each of their faces. I couldn’t help it – I just started laughing. Then they started laughing. It went on like that for a while – me laughing at them, them laughing at who knows what – until I finally stuck my head out the window and asked if they wouldn’t mind moving to the side. Happily, they obliged. Driving away at last, I looked in my rearview mirror as the two were now chatting it up with the attendant, Cameron’s arm around his shoulders as if they had known each other for years…

I should get out of the office more often.

Image: Paul / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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4 Responses to “Two Dudes At A Car Wash”

This makes me giggle. yes you should get out of the office more often. Mainly so that while I am at the office I can read about you being out of the office and live vicariously through you. Thanks for the vivid imagery…i needed that laugh…almost as badly as I need you to take me with you next time you get your car washed.
please.

Shannon
November 9th, 2009

Hi,
Super post, Need to mark it on Digg
BernieR

November 29th, 2009

Thank you so much for the suggestion!

Me
December 1st, 2009

Interesting, I`ll quote it on my site later.
Worker

December 4th, 2009