It all went downhill when at age eight I convinced my father that I should have a television in my room. Why he agreed I’ll never know, but it probably had something to do with my insistent nagging. Big mistake, though. I was completely hooked and would watch my TV every chance I got. That meant long past my bedtime. Typically I didn’t find anything worth the depleted REM cycles, but I took satisfaction in the knowledge that somehow I was working the system. Nobody’s gonna tell me I need eight hours of sleep! However, it’s not quite as satisfying anymore to think that I’m duping my poor dad, especially when he’s two thousand miles away. In fact, now I actually want to sleep. Yet there are just those nights when my brain won’t turn off and hence I can’t doze off. When that happens, off to the living room I go to watch whatever mindless crap I can find. It’s painful at times. The commercials, though… The commercials fascinate me. I’ve noticed that the ones I love best show themselves only in the middle of the night, like some rare nocturnal species too timid to come out during the day. I in turn feel like I’m witnessing something rare and wondrous in having caught sight of these spectacular creatures. Seriously, though, they’re awful; I must really be sleep-deprived. Sigh… Here are my favorite five:

5. The Rosetta Stone commercial. I don’t understand what balloons have to do with learning a foreign language, but they’re probably assuming most people watching are too out-of-their-mind tired to care. Also, why do they think people awake in the middle of the night would be their target audience? We have that extra time on our hands, so why not learn Mandarin?


4. The Colonial Penn commercial. Does anyone remember when Ed McMahon was their spokesperson? Now it’s Alex Trebek. Serious downgrade if you ask me.

3. The 1-800-9-INVENT commercial. Yeah, that’s right. I can’t sleep because I have this great idea for… zzzzz… Sorry, what was I saying? Tuned out there for a second. (By the way, couldn’t find the commercial online, which makes me think they must be a scam. Beware, folks! They want to steal your billion-dollar idea!)

2. The Consumer Cellular commercial with the McCann twins. “Hey, ugly!” Wow, it’s amazing how easily I can hate someone in sixty seconds. Consumer Cellular, recast that spot pronto.

1. The Scooter Store commercial. This was the best commercial I could find for them, but my absolute favorite one includes trips to the Statue of Liberty and Grand Canyon, all possible courtesy of the Scooter Store. Old age is gonna rock.

Honorable Mention: World News Now. Technically it’s not a commercial, but I had to give this awesome show a shout-out. Rob Nelson is so dreamy…

Image: tungphoto / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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2 Responses to “Goodnight Moon”

Ha! World News Now! I used to watch that. Do you remember the guy who played the accordion? Also I remember when Anderson Cooper was one of the co-anchors for that.

September 1st, 2011

Anderson Cooper was an anchor on WNN?? Wow, sorry I missed those days. 😉 I have seen a few accordion segments; one was actually performed in honor of Rob (I think). I freakin’ love that show!

September 1st, 2011